good times are rushing in

Hey there! ^•⩊•^ ⍝ 

Wohooo, I'm finally ready for a new blog post! A lot of things happened, because I decided to start dating again. I know most would probably say it's to early, but the over 5 year relationship with my ex was over months before I ended it officially, at that point I was just waiting for a change and got done waiting for nothing. Also I don't have any contact with my ex anymore, we cleared all the organisational stuff, so I hope that was it and he doesn't contact me again. Anyways, it's date story time!

I started by installing some dating app, creating profiles, etc. I wrote with tons of people and it was actually fun getting to know them. I've chatted with someone, let's just call him Jason, and after a short time I asked if we could call. We called for over 4 hours, even talked about deep topics and I fell in love and was excited to meet him, which he agreed on. Well I visited him and he told me that he wasn't doing well since a year and he got inspired by our call to get himself help (we also talked about my depressions), he said that he couldn't handle any changes right now let alone a relationship. So I drove home and I can't really explain why, but I cried while driving, I think I just felt sorry for Jason, he had to go through heavy depressions like I did. I hope he is doing better now, I haven't chatted or talked with him since. Obviously I didn't want to stress him.

After Jason I chatted with another guy for a few weeks, we seemed both interested in each other but he was hesitant to call or meet, which was fine for me, I don't want to pressure anyone, but after some time he wrote me that he isn't ready for a relationship.

Well then I got to know someone else on an app, I will call him Lester. Lester seemed kind and romantic over text, though he trauma dumped over text really soon. We eventually met at a café near my workplace and drove to a nearby lake afterwards. Actually, we kinda met directly at my workplace, he just silently sneaked around me while I was working, I haven't even noticed him. At the lake, we held hands and talked for hours, then it was time to say goodbye, but he suddenly dragged me to him and started kissing me. He "playfully" pushed me into a nearby changing room, closed the door behind us and started to touch me under my clothes. I was scared and told him I was uncomfortable, he did stop, but it had already triggered my PTSD (because of really heavy sexual trauma from my past) and I was close to getting a panic attack. I explained to him why it felt so bad for me and actually told him from my traumatic experiences. He was understanding, but my gut feeling felt bad about him, though I still agreed to meet him again. I wanted to watch a movie with him at my home (I know, that was stupid) and I didn't feel anything for him, I wasn't in love with him, which normally comes really fast and my gut feeling was still bad. We had sex and we agreed to a friendship with benefits (that was my first time, I never had one before), he was madly in love with me and I'm pretty sure he was just hoping I would fall in love too. We met a third time at my workplace and we planned on listening to each other's favourite music, but we ended up only really listening to his music, even though I asked him multiple times when we would listen to my music. I had to work that day, so we didn't had to much time (around 1.5 hours). We only listened to one song of mine at the end and I was honest and told him that his preferred music doesn't fit my listening style. So I "endured" his music while he only "had to" listen to one of my songs. We then went to my workplace because he had to go to the toilet and he kissed me in the hallway in front of the toilets, which was uncomfortable for me. My gut was practically screaming to me to ditch Lester, but I met him again. I invited him to me again to watch movies, have sex, etc. just FWB stuff, but small signs were showing. He knew that I'm allergic to water, but he still "playfully threatened" me to spit water on me and even though I begged him to not do it, he still did it and laughed... He also lightly hit my butt while we had sex which I told him right away that I don't like that, but he still continued a lot of times... And he tried to make me laugh while I drank something, but when that didn't work, he decided to tickle me, again WHILE I WAS DRINKING. This is first of all an asshole move, because I could have ended up spilling the liquid on my skin, which could have caused an allergic reaction, but second of all this is fucking dangerous, I could have gotten water into my lungs and could have choked and he laughed and found it funny. That was the final straw for me and I ended the FWB and the contact to Lester on WhatsApp the next day which went like this:

Me: I have to be honest: Yesterday I was blinded by feelings of infatuation and tiredness.
You crossed several of my boundaries, even though I explicitly asked you not to. That's unacceptable to me and not a foundation for a relationship or friendship.
Therefore, I don't want a relationship or a friendship. I hope you respect that.

Lester: Which boundaries? Okay, you said that I patted your butt, that was stupid, but what other boundaries are there?
Last night you wrote that it was wonderful. Yes, I respect your decision, but I don't know what else I did wrong 😢
So, no weekend for me either.
If I did something wrong while goofing around, I'm incredibly sorry. It was absolutely unintentional to cross any boundaries. I'm not aware of having forced anything on you.
I feel really awful now for having messed up 😭 I'm truly sorry. Nevertheless, I wish you a good workday.

Me: I don't want to elaborate on this any further.
For me, several situations crossed boundaries, even after I asked you to stop. My decision is final.

Lester: So be it. I don't know the specific situations, but it wasn't intentional on my part. Anyway, I wish you all the best. It's a shame it's ending like this.
Take care 😢
It's probably better to stay single. Then you don't have to get upset. And you don't unintentionally do anything wrong.
Since you always do everything wrong, no matter what you do. Well, it's not your problem. Like I said, have fun. I hope you don't get hurt. You mean too much to me for that. Whether I'm in love or not, I wish you all the best 😔
Take care 😭

We had known each other for 2 weeks or so? He tried to gaslight me and get this, a week later this text came from his number:

"Hey, you're Samanta, right? My best friend Lester was seeing someone recently.
I just wanted to let you know that Lester is in a coma in the hospital.
I don't know what you did to him, but he had a serious accident at the construction site, and in the days leading up to it, he was completely out of sorts and very sad.
Whatever you did wasn't exactly the right thing to do.
Lester is a lovely guy who doesn't deserve to be treated badly. He's been through enough crap already.
I hope he wakes up from the coma soon ‼️‼️‼️ And if I find out you weren't kind to him, I'll find you, I promise ‼️‼️‼️
Regards, Laura"

Yeah right "Laura" sent that to me. Fucking hell, what is even wrong with this guy. I blocked him on WhatsApp, I told my parents and my boss so that they know whats up and maybe call the police if he shows up and while my boss read the message she asked me "May I?" and called Lesters number with her work phone and he actually answered his phone. My boss asked "Are you Lester, the one in the coma?" I couldn't hear him, only my boss and only some bits but she essentially told him that it's unacceptable that he threatened me and she was furious. She then told me that if he decides to show up at work I can call her and she will call the police on him. What a hero this woman is! He then sends this SMS to me (I forgot to block him there too):

"Hi Samanta, it's Lester. I just got a call from your boss. Sorry I had to brush it off so quickly, I was in a meeting.
I'm fine. I heard something about me being in a coma and threats and all that. I know about your medical conditions and that this kind of thing is counterproductive. Therefore, I would never do anything like that to you, no matter what happened between us. Can you tell me who it was, and I'll look into it.
Sorry for the trouble. I never wanted you to be unwell, and I never will be.
Regards, Lester"

By the way "Lauras" writing pattern and Lesters writing pattern matched exactly, even down to the same grammar mistakes (I translated it into english, that's why you can't see the errors). What an asshole. He is so full of himself and tried to pretend that he didn't write that threat to me. I'm extremely glad that I finally listened to my gut and ditched him. 

Okay so now I want to tell you about my last "encounter" with someone on a dating app. We chatted for a week I think and met each other, our plan was to take a walk together and he suggested the botanical garden in our area. We talked for hours and even when the garden closed we still walked around and talked. I wanted to hold his hand, but he said that he wasn't ready yet and that he doesn't want to trigger my allergy, because his hand was sweaty. He was really curious about my illnesses and how it could affect a relationship and how he should react to certain situations. At the end of our date, he made a gesture if I wanted to hug him and we even hugged twice, which felt sooo good. It was clear, we both wanted to meet again, so we did!
At the second date, we first went to a café, then billiard and then a restaurant he wanted to invite me to and also surprise me with. The whole day was phenomenal, it just clicked between us, we both enjoyed each second! At the end of our date, which was 10 hours long, he made a gesture asking me with it if I want to kiss him, of course I wanted to! And he actually asked me if I want to be his girlfriend and I happily replied with yes!
At the third day we met, we had a double date with his friends, exciting! But we first went to his home and watched a movie together. Also I had cold sores so we couldn't kiss, which was sooo hard. After the double date I asked him if I could sleep at him, he was hesitant at first, because he was scared something could happen, but he still agreed. Nothing happened by the way.

We met for quite a few times now and I really love him. I feel like I never had such a strong connection with anybody. He respects me and is really careful with my illnesses, he makes me genuine compliments, he is open and honest, we are communicating a ton and it's a healthy and growing relationship. I feel how much he loves me and I have a damn good gut feeling with him! It felt unreal for some time, because I realized that I never had a healthy relationship before. There are no red flags and we actively both seek out advice independently to ensure a healthy, lovingly, long lasting relationship. ♡ 

I know I haven't told much about him now, but I will tell more eventually, so don't worry!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post, take care peeps and please don't harass anyone mentioned. I wish you all an amazing day/night!